Kids Shouldn't Go To R Rated Movies
by EmeraldPhoenixFlame
Summary: Hijikata manages to run into Gintoki at the movie theater, and after a ticket "mix-up", they are forced to share a seat. After harassing Hijikata, Gintoki suggests a bet. However, accepting the bet might be the biggest mistake Hijikata has ever made...
1. Everyone Hates Sharing Popcorn

**Rating:** M for language and yaoi

**Warnings:** If you have a problem with yaoi DO NOT continue to read

**Pairings:** HijikataXGintoki

**Summary:** Hijikata and Gintoki run into each other at the movies and somehow wind up sharing a seat to watch "The Life of the Poor and Ugly", the hottest new horror film. Hijikata manages to get aroused from a few... less then modest actions by a half-drunk Gintoki, and gets dragged into a bet which he may not emerge from totally unharmed.

**Kid's Shouldn't Go to R-Rated Movies**

"Oi, oi! What do you think you're doing?" Gintoki called out to the figure standing in front of him. "You're holding up the line!"

The man turned angrily. "What line, you bastard! There's only-" his eyes widened in surprise, his voice trailing off.

Gintoki smirked. "Fancy meeting you here, Hijikata-san."

Hijikata swore. Dammit! Why did he have to run into this sugar-freak now of all times? His movie was about to start anytime now! "Listen, you silver-haired bastard." He hissed, "Leave me alone, I have business here, got it?"

Gintoki picked his nose. "Yeah, sure you do." He grinned, a sadist expression spearing on his deadpan face.

"Hey, Okita-kun!" Gintoki shouted across the line, receiving irritated glances from other people.

"Yes, Boss?" Okita answered from behind Hijikata, causing him to jump in surprise.

"Oi, Sougo! What the hell are you doing here!" Hijikata demanded, his eye twitching. "If you're here to mess with someone go away! Now!"

Okita glanced at him, smirking. "Says the guy who almost raped my sister." He said loudly. People started muttering and shooting glances at Hijikata.

Gintoki laughed, patting the sadistic Okita on the head. "Thank you. Did I mention he also tried to rape Kagura-chan too?"

At this point, people were starting to stare, and Hijikata ground his teeth in frustration. He was going to kill Sougo and Gintoki for this!

Glaring at both of them, Hijikata pushed his way through the crowd, spilling his mayo-covered popcorn as he went.

Gintoki smirked. I wonder why it's so fun doing this? He pondered for a second, and then dismissed the thought. It was the same with his other "friends", so he didn't bother questioning why he and Okita enjoyed it.

Gintoki stepped up to the counter. "A sundae please."

The man behind the counter gave him a disbelieving glance. "Sir, this is a movie theater. I'm afraid we don't have-"

Gintoki frowned and drew his wooden sword. "Are you sure you don't?" He asked again, in a dangerously soft tone.

Sweat trailed down the man's face and he shuttered. "I'm sure we can work something out."

Gintoki placed his sword back on his hip. "Good." He stated.

Okita smiled. Boss was always so fun when he was sugar deprived.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"Move it!" Gintoki said, pushing people out of the way, making his way to his seat.

Gintoki stared at the man sitting in his spot, annoyed.

"Oi, Mayora! You're in my seat!" Gintoki muttered angrily to Hijikata.

Hijikata glanced at him disbelievingly. "Excuse me, you bastard? This is clearly MY seat."

"I did not wait five hours in a line to get tickets to this movie just so I could find a mayo-freak taking up my chair! NOW FUCKING MOVE." Gintoki growled the last part.

Hijikata looked at Gintoki, surprised. This was his first time seeing him this angry. Remembering what Gintoki could do with a sword, he shuttered and reluctantly retreated.

He raised his hands. "Come on, Gintoki. Why don't we just share the seat? I mean we both came here like respectable men right? Now let's just act like some, okay?"

Gintoki glanced at the seat, raising his eyebrows. "Fine." He seethed, sitting down next to the dark haired man.

Hijikata gave an inaudible sigh of relief. He wasn't scared or anything, he just wanted to protect the theater from harm... right? _Right_?

The lights dimmed, and Hijikata became aware of Gintoki poking through his sundae with a spoon, making soft clanging noises.

"Shut up." Hijikata hissed, turning his head until he mouth was positioned by Gintoki's ear.

Gintoki shivered. "Stop doing that, it's annoying." He demanded.

Hijikata saw Gintoki place a candy cherry into his mouth. Watching as the silver-haired man sucked and twirled it in his mouth almost sensually, Hijikata realized what he was doing and turned away quickly. What the hell was that? Hijikata demanded of himself.

Gintoki reached blindly across Hijikata, searching for the napkins. Hijikata inhaled sharply as Gintoki's hand brushed his lap, his stomach tightening.

"Oi, Mayora." Gintoki whispered. "You okay?"

Hijikata sighed. "Yeah, I'm fine." Dammit, he was _not_ fine, and he knew it.

Relaxing a much as he could, he leaned back and watched the movie. He was aware of Gintoki's leg rubbing his as he frequently shifted positions.

A lady behind them screamed, scared by something in the movie. Startled, Gintoki dropped his sundae, only to find it spilled on Hijikata's lap. Hijikata cursed. Why his crotch of all places!

"Sorry, sorry!" Gintoki murmured, bending over to examine his spilled snack.

"What are you doing?" Hijikata asked, not daring to breathe.

"Don't worry about your pants, Mayora. I'll wipe them up, 'kay?" Gintoki told him softly.

Hijikata snorted. "Yeah, fine. Whatever."

Gintoki started to rub the dark-haired man's pants, trying to clean them. Hijikata groaned softly as Gintoki rubbed his crotch. Gintoki paused and looked at him.

"What's wrong? Gotta piss or something?" Gintoki demanded, smirking.

Hijikata glared at him. "Fuck off. Just clean them already." That sugar-freak had no idea what he was doing to him, did he?

After ten minutes of rubbing the pants clean, Gintoki looked up, smug. "There you go, Hijikata-san. All clean and dandy."

Hijikata didn't look at him. He had closed his eyes, trying to keep his face composed. Hijikata's eyes flew open as he felt Gintoki lean on him.

"What the hell?" Hijikata hissed at him.

"I'm tired and some-what drunk." Gintoki muttered. "Piss off."

Hijikata gave a breathy laugh. So figure. As long as Gintoki didn't see his erect member, he was fine.

Gintoki hummed. "Now, now, Mayora. What do we have here?"

He placed his hand over Hijikata's crotch, rubbing it slightly. Hijikata jerked up in surprise.

Gintoki laughed softly. "Oh? Hijikata-san is having dirty thoughts!"

Hijikata groaned. "Stop it you bastard." He muttered, closing his eyes. He heard Gintoki snicker, and heard his fly being undone.

"What the fuck-" Hijikata started, beginning to rise. Gintoki pushed him down with one hand, holding him there.

"Come on now, Hijikata-san. Behave." Gintoki chided softly. Gintoki's hand reached inside of the dark-haired man's pants, and stroked his manhood softly. Hijikata groaned, moving his lower half closer to Gintoki's hand. Gintoki slowly rubbed its tip. Hijikata jerked again, this time in pleasure.

"You bastard." He ground out.

Gintoki gave Hijikata a heated glance. "I never said I was nice," he stated, moving his hand faster up and down Hijikata's shaft. Hijikata grunted, feeling a familiar tightening in his stomach.

"Gintoki," He groaned softly, "Stop you bastard, I'm gonna cum."

Gintoki turned and gave his neck a long lick, pressing his mouth up against his ear. "You do that, Hijikata-san." Gintoki whispered, his warm breath tickling Hijikata's face. Strawberries. Hijikata thought absently. He smells like strawberries.

"Stop it." Hijikata said weakly, trying to push Gintoki away. "There's people watching..."

Gintoki laughed. "Your body doesn't seem to want to stop. And anyways," he leaned closer and whispered, "what people?"

Hijikata gave a startled glance around the room. He could've sworn it was packed just a minute ago.

"But-" He protested, looking around again.

"Shut up." Gitoki said, leaning even closer.

"They were-" Hijikata tried again.

"I told you to shut up." Gintoki growled, his pupils dilated with lust.

Only a sadist like him would get turned on by this, Hijikata thought. Wait! Does that make me a machodist? He realized in horror. His mind went blank as Gintoki leaned towards his face, a few centimeters from his mouth.

"Time for your punishment then." Gintoki chuckled darkly.

He gave Hijikata a long, heated kiss. Hijikata's mouth open in shock. Gintoki used that chance to shove his tongue into his mouth, rubbing it against Hijikata's. He moaned against the silver-haired man. Gintoki grabbed Hijikata, pressing him closer into his hard chest. He felt a shutter run through the dark-haired man and pulled away.

"Now, now, Hijikata-san. We can't have you Cumming now of all times. Gintoki snickered. "To think all I had to do was give you a hand job and kiss you."

"Fucking sadist." Hijikata spat angrily. "I wasn't going to cum!"

"Oh?" Gintoki raised an eyebrow. "Do you want to bet on it? First person to cum loses."

Hijikata glared at him. He could tell the silver-haired man's intentions weren't pure, but he was sure as hell he wasn't going to lose to him.

"You're on."


	2. Don't Accept Sweets From Strangers

**Rating:** M for language and yaoi

**Warnings:** If you have a problem with yaoi DO NOT continue to read

**Pairings:** HijiXGin

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gintama or any of its characters.

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Hijikata stiffened as Gitoki circled him, his blue eyes following every movement the silver-haired man made. He still couldn't believe that he had agreed to this crazy game with the sugar addict, and he didn't even know what they were betting!

_Damn it. He thought angrily, his eyebrow twitching. It's one thing to be doing something like this with a guy, but it's another matter when the guy you're doing it with associates with Sougo. How'd I even wind up in this situation? Hell, why'd I even come see this movie! _

Not for this first time that day; Hijikata cursed the god that had made him and Gintoki's interests so similar.

_I bet up there, they're having a big, fucking chuckle feast, watching this happen._ Hijikata cast his eyes

Towards the ceiling, begging that someone, anyone would come in and interrupt this shitty nonsense.

_Please! He thought. I'll give you 300 yen if you stop this! Hell, I'll even make do with Sougo if he stops this! I'll give him 300 yen! _

Hijikata's eyes focused on Gintoki as the other man chuckled.

"Sorry," He said, grinning. "No one's coming..." Gintoki's smile faltered slightly, "...probably."

Hijikata glared at him. "If someone sees me, I swear I'll commit senpaktu and haunt you for the rest of your life."

"Che." Gintoki waved his hand dismissively. "Take a ticket and get in line."

"Is that so." Hijikata said flatly. "How long is the line?"

The silver-haired man shrugged. "Give or take a mile."

"Just how many people have you pissed off exactly?" Hijikata demanded.

Gintoki shrugged again. "Dunno. A lot?"

He snorted. Go figure.

"Anyway," Gintoki continued, "we're off topic." he said unevenly, his face flushed. "Who's going first?"

_Oh. My. Fucking. God. Hijikata thought. He's drunk! Are you shitting me or something? I bet that sundae was spiked, or Sougo must have done something to it._ He decided, his eyebrow twitching once again.

"You're drunk aren't you." Hijikata stated, rolling his eyes. "Why don't we just stop this and continue when you're sober?"

_If you remember this, you jackass!_ He thought angrily.

"Huh? You messing with me or something?" Gintoki demanded, sounding even unsteadier then before. His crimson eyes focused on Hijikata, and he twisted uncomfortably as he felt the heat behind his gaze. "I asked you who's going first, not if there was something wrong with me. Fine, I'll just go, you ungrateful ass."

Gintoki started to stalk closer to Hijikata.

_Huh? Wait. What? I hadn't really processed this until now! Shit. Shit on this silver-permed bastard a million times over!_ Hijikata pressed himself farther against the seat, praying it would swallow him up or something of the sort.

"Hey now," Hijikata said nervously, "Please stop? I uh, have a meeting with Kondo-san about his new fiancée in fifteen minute. Really. I gotta go. Now."

_I don't really have a meeting, but please buy it! Buy it, goddamn you!_

Gintoki leaned close to him, their noses touching. "Liar." he breathed, his sweet breath wafting over Hijikata's face. "Okita-kun said that you were off today."

_Damn Sougo! First he spikes this guy's sundae and then he let's "slip" that I'm free! Goddamn lazy subordinates!_ Hijikata cursed, promising to relive Sougo of a body part, preferably the head.

Gintoki's hand grasped his hair and Hijikata froze.

_Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit. _

His hand twirled his hair; Gintoki pressed his mouth to Hijikata's, forcing his lips apart with his tongue.

"Mmmf." Hijikata grunted against the silver-haired man.

_God dammit! I will not cum, I will not cum, I will not- _

Gintoki ran his hands down his chest, unbuttoning Hijikata's jacket and pushing it off. Finding the hem of his dark shirt, Gintoki pull the shirt up to reveal the dark-haired man's chest, beaded with sweat. Slowly, Gintoki bent down and licked Hijikata's nipple. The demon captain groaned.

_As much as I hate to admit it, I don't know how long I'll be able to do this._ Hijikata thought, muddled by the onslaught of feelings.

"Che. Aren't you going to fight back?" Gintoki spoke, looking at him. "No? Fine, automatic win for me then, I guess." his hands trailed down towards his pants and Hijikata's stomach tightened.

_Fuck. Damn Sougo. Damn this bastard. Damn sundaes. I swear I'm never going to a horror movie again._

Hijikata felt his pants being pulled down and closed his eyes. Determined to keep what little dignity had left, he swore that he wouldn't react, and to permanently end the bastard's life after this was over.

Gintoki's hands rubbed Hijikata's bulge through his undergarments. He twitched, and began to feel his stomach tighten again.

_Why the hell am I getting all hot and bothered over this?_ Hijikata demanded of his body. _Would you just stop it and be still? He's a fucking guy for crying out loud!_

He felt a breeze around his crotch and his eyes popped open.

_When in the fucking hell did this guy take my boxers off? _

"Ho hum. Would you look at that?" Gintoki spoke from between his legs. "You're still hard."

"Of course I am! Once you get hard you don't suddenly become un-hard, you idiotic permed bastard!" Hijikata raised his voice.

"Pfft." Gintoki snorted. "How am I supposed to know that?"

Hijikata blinked. "You. Are. A. Fucking. Guy. Are you experiencing a dose of extra stupidity today? Or did you just miss out on your sugar!" he demanded.

"Meh." Gintoki grunted. "Probably the last one. But I bet you're sweet, so I'll deal."

_Huh? He did not just turn my insult into a pickup line, right? Shit. How much did Sougo give this sugar freak!_

"Hey Gintoki?" Hijikata asked, his eyebrow twitching.

"Mmm?" He said, studying the dark-haired man's exposed body.

Hijikata ignored him. "Did Sougo put anything in your sundae?"

Gintoki looked up, nodded blearily. "Yeah. He took a bottle from the counter and poured it all in. It looked like chocolate, though."

"Did he say anything?" Hijikata questioned.

"Yeah." He said again, blinking. "Okita-kun said 'Danna, this is really good stuff. I'm sure you'll have a good time eating it.' and then smiled and walked away."

_Are you a goddamn fucking retard? If Sougo gives you anything, you're supposed to throw it out the nearest window and run away!_ Hijikata thought, exasperated.

Gintoki returned to studying Hijikata's body. He traced the outline of his leaned chest, brushing against his crotch. Hijikata cursed, and shifted his weight.

_Dammit. I can't really be mad at him when he's like this. He's like a lost puppy or something. Sougo must have drugged him well, to make even him this bad._

Hijikata twitched, irritated.

_It still doesn't change the fact that what he's doing is fucking WRONG._

"Gintoki, let's stop for now." he tried again.

Gintoki glared at him, his dull gaze suddenly focusing on him. "No. We have a bet and you're not backing out."

_Goddamn his stubbornness. What is with him and never giving up? It pisses me off._

Gintoki placed his head on Hijikata's chest, listing to his heartbeat. Hijikata watched his silver head rise and fall with each breath his took. After staying like that for a few minutes, he placed a hand on Gintoki's head.

"Hey." Hijikata shook him slightly. "Hey! Silver permed bastard!"

Gintoki didn't stir.

_Huh? What? He didn't fall asleep, right? Right?_

"OI! Gintoki!" He shouted, irritated.

_Oh. God. Just. Fuck. Me. _

_He fell asleep! Sougo must have drugged him with enough to knock out a gorilla! _

"Che." He rubbed his face tiredly. "At least I can leave now." Hijikata tried to stand, but Gintoki was too heavy to push off.

_Goddamn it! Now I can't leave either!_

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

**Extra:** Okay, Gintoki's acting a bit O.O.C, or well... really strange. Sougo has drugged him though, sad as it is :P There were multiple plots that I thought of for this chapter, so don't hate me if you don't like it, deal? :)

I spent five hours on a plane writing this as two girls behind me were laughing like maniacs at pictures on their phone. And the guy next to me was watching Paranormal Activity 3. Perfect place to write a fanfic, right?

**Also, I have two questions for you guys:**

One, who should be the seme and who should be the uke?

Two, this chapter was in Hijikata's POV. Should I keep it like this or switch...?

**AL19:** I got one too ;) There'll be more lemons later but I didn't know how long you can keep a movie theater open like this :P And thanks!

**Serena-loves-Angst:** I did read them! They were great! Truth to be told, I read them before I wrote this; them re-read them after I wrote this. ;)


	3. Your Room Is Your Own Private Hideout

**Rating:** M for language and yaoi

**Warnings:** If you have a problem with yaoi DO NOT continue to read

**Pairings:** HijiXGin / GinXHiji

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gintama or any of its characters.

**Note: **So Gintoki as seme and Hijikata as uke won out in the comments. BUT! For all the Hijikata-seme fans out there, I'll try to include a small bit of that in this chapter (And maybe the next). Also, I'll try to post a chapter every week or even sooner if I have enough inspiration. (I have these flashes of story ideas and then they die out… T_T). Anywoo~ I think I'll just switch off each between Gin's and Hijikata's POV when I feel it appropriate. This will be in Gin's POV, just to let you know.

**OoOoOoOoOoOo~ **_**Gintoki's POV**_** ~oOoOoOoOoOoO**

"OI! YOU!" Someone shouted angrily.

Gintoki blearily rubbed his eyes and sat up, groaning as his head throbbed painfully. Glancing up, he shielded his eyes from the bright light of the guard's flashlight.

"What the hell-" He started, gazing around him in confusion. Gintoki was alone besides the watchman and had no recollection of how the fuck he had wound up there.

"That's what I should be asking, you bastard!" The middle aged man leaned in close to him, waving the flashlight around wildly near his face, sending its beam flashing all around the theater.

_God, I feel like shit. Where am I again?_

Gintoki gazed unfocusedly at the guard. "Hey mister," He said, a bemused expression crossing his face. "Mind telling me where the fuck I am?"

The watchman glared at him suspiously.

_Well, if I were him, I wouldn't tell me either. _Gintoki repressed a sigh of annoyance. _First I met Hijikata here and then the counter guy refused to give me a sundae and Okita-kun gave me something and I went into the theater and… _He blinked. _Huh? That's strange. I can't remember. _He mentaly shrugged. It didn't matter to him as long as it didn't cause problems and he probably had sniffed something strange that had made him forgetful. It wouldn't have been the first time Kagura brought home some weird object or Sa-chan had given him a poison of some sort.

Stifling another groan, Gintoki stood up, rubbing his shoulders.

"H-hey!" The guard protested, reaching out with his hands. "Where do you think you're going? There are- "

The silver haired man waved over his shoulder as he walked out of the theater. "I'm going home, thanks for your hospitality." He called back to the bewildered watchman.

_Wait, what the hell is this…!_

Gintoki froze for a minute after a few steps, and then continued walking like nothing had happened. The security guard watched this process in confusion, now making no effort to stop him from leaving.

Once outside, Gintoki smiled grimly, running his tongue over the roof of his mouth for a second time.

_I've changed my mind. Whether it matters or not, I'm was going to find the reason I wound up there._ _And why the fuck I have the stale taste of mayonnaise in my mouth._

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

"Oi! Gin-san!" Kagura complained, "Where's my pickled seaweed, huh?"

"Kagura, Gin-san had an accident and woke up all alone." Gintoki said, glancing at her. "Gin-san woke up all alone and tasting like mayonnaise." He added.

Shinpatchi gave him the 'No-one-gives-a-fuck' looked up from the opposing couch, looking up from the money he was currently counting.

The red-haired Yato girl didn't reply and instead, eyed Gintoki distrustfully.

"And that brings it to about 800 yen!" Shinpatchi announced loudly, breaking the cold silence.

Gintoki dismissed him with a wave of his hand. "If you don't have any good news, Shinpatchi, please go find your sister and ask her to lend up some cash." He was joking of course, there was no one in his or her right mind that actually would go and ask Otae for some money.

_I still fail to see how that gorilla woman still hasn't married the actual gorilla. _Gintoki thought, thinking how the leader of the Shinshigami had stalked Otae-san constantly. _I thought a-likes attract, birds of a feather flock together, etc., etc. _

He flinched as his JUMP! Magazine slammed into the back of his head with the full intent of harming him.

_Jeez, _Gintoki thought, rubbing his head. _If I were a normal person, I'd be dead or in the hospital by now. _He thought about the possibly for a second, amusing himself.

_Here lays Gintoki Sakata, killed by a Yato brat and a magazine. What a nice grave. I might even be buried next to the old hag and her husband._

Chuckling slightly, still entertained with the thought of dying by his favorite magazine, he turned towards the direction from which the deadly missile had been launched.

Kagura now stood by the door, her eyes fixed on Gintoki's face. "So you mean to say that the Shinshigami bastards are preventing me from eating my wonderful salty snack?" she demanded. Gintoki mentally celebrated his success at provoking the Yato girl into coming with him to the Shinshigami, and made note never to withhold her favorite foods from her if he wanted to keep his balls intact.

_Better go about this carefully… Shinpatchi glaring at me like I'm a madman or something and Kagura's to close to my JUMP for my liking…_

"Yes," he said, feinting ignorance as he studied Kagura's reactions from the corner of his eye.

She twitched grasping her umbrella tightly, glancing at the floor.

_Shit… I hope I didn't-_

Suddenly, she smiled brightly, looking up at Gintoki. "So," she said, her happy smile looked menacing now, "What do you say we go pay them a visit?"

Shinpatchi glanced nervously from Kagura to Gintoki then to the stack of money on the table. Hastily, he picked up the cash, shoving it into the desk that stood in the back of the room. "Well," he said nervously, "I'll just stay here and see if anyone come's with any jobs, alright?"

_Poor Shinpatchi, if he go's home, he'll have to eat that… _Gintoki raised the corners of his mouth in a smile. _On second thought, it'd be good for him. _He turned to Shinpatchi, still smiling. "No, why don't you go help your sister? I think Kondoe-san is off today."

Gintoki watched the boy grow pale at the idea of eating Otae's food, then grow even more ashen at the thought of dealing with Kondoe-san. "B-but Gin-san," Shinpatchi stuttered, backing away from the smiling, silver-haired man. "I-"

"-Have to protect my sister from creepy stalkers and evil people." He finished, patting him on the head. Gintoki ignored Shinpatchi's protests as he faced Kagura once again.

_Might as well do this with a smile on our faces, right? I have someone to deal with Okita-kun now so he doesn't interfere…_

"Let's go Kagura." He said, grinning slightly.

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Gintoki strode up to the front door of the Shinshigami HQ and threw the doors open.

Yamazaki looked up in surprise from his badminton practice, and hastily hid it behind his back, his face paling. "So what brings you here, Yorozuya?" he said nervously, peering behind them, like a crowd of yakuza would appear behind them at any moment.

"Uh, well actually-" The silver headed man was abruptly cut off as Kagura grabbed Yamazaki by the collar and lifted him in the air.

"Where's the sadist bastard?" Kagura said cheerfully, baring her teeth in a menacing grin.

Yamazaki swallowed hard, and shakily lifted a hand, pointing towards the side of the building. "H-he's over there," he said weakly.

The Yato girl dropped him to the ground with a thud and ran off to find Okita, the rivalry between them promising a fight.

Gintoki sighed and rubbed his neck, looking at the man on the ground.

_Well, Kagura's already off and running. My turn, I guess._

Squatting down until he was at eye level with Yamazaki, he said, "So, where can I find your beloved Vice-Captain?"

"Room." Was all Yamazaki could manage to say as Gintoki nodded.

"Thanks." He stated, walking to the building.

_Now that I actually think about it… where the hell is this guy's room?_

Gintoki sighed again.

_Shit. I guess I'll have to go look for myself…_

He stopped in front of a deserted hallway, and peered down it.

_That's strange… most of the hallways are busy. What could-_

Gintoki froze as voices drifted down the hall. "Is this alright, Toshi?" a deep voice asked. "Yeah, just leave it there. Thanks Kondoe-san." Another person grumbled in reply.

_Oh, that's convenient. Saves me the trouble, bastard._

Kondoe backed out of the room, and quickly strode away, not even noticing the silver haired intruder. Gintoki padded towards the room and cautiously slid open the door. He braced himself, waiting for the blow that would surely come. When it didn't, he squinted, trying to see into the dark room.

_That's strange. Usually he would-_

Hijikata faced the opposing wall, his bare back towards Gintoki.

Gintoki went rigid. _Huh? What? He's changing? What the hell! At least put a sign or something on the door, bastard! It couldn't hurt anyone if you did!_

The dark-haired man slowly turned towards Gintoki, his face growing red with rage. "WHO THE HELL-!" his voice broke off as he saw who it was. Hijikata's face paled considerably. "Sakata."

Gintoki blinked. "Huh? Oh, sorry. I'll just wait until-"

Hijikata started towards Gintoki, his eyebrow twitching. "You bastard." He spat out. "I should kill you for what you did. I should rip your-"

"Whoa, whoa." Gintoki held up his hands, his red eyes wide in confusion. "What exactly did I do?"

The demon captain clearly stopped in surprise. "You mean you don't…" he smacked his forehead. "Of course you don't. Sougo drugged you."

"What?" Gintoki exclaimed. "Okita-kun drugged me?" he laughed nervously. "That's ridiculous. Why would he do-"

Hijikata looked at him in disbelief.

_Oh right. This is the guy who willingly fakes his own death just so he can trick someone into doing something painful. Forgot about that._

The silver-haired man cleared his throat. "Fine. Because I was clearly intoxicated, just do whatever I did to you, back to me. Okay?"

_This wasn't what I originally planned but… _

Hijikata peered at him closely. "Are you sure I can do to you what ever you did to me?" he asked suspiciously.

_Why do I have a bad feeling…?_

"Huh? Yeah. Sure." Gintoki said, shifting his weight.

Hijikata shrugged, and smiled darkly. "Fine." He started towards the Yorozuya.

_What exactly did I do? Damn it! If I could just…_

Gintoki didn't have time to respond as the dark-haired man forced his mouth upon his; twisting his lips open, causing him to fall to the ground.

_What the hell! Bastard. Bastard. Bastard. Go to hell. Go to hell. Go to hell. _Gintoki chanted in his head as he was ambushed by the dark demon.

"What the hell-?" Gintoki panted as Hijikata broke away.

Hijikata looked at him as he unzipped his fly. "Didn't you say I could do anything that you did to me?" a twisted smile crossed his face.

"Che." Gintoki snorted, trying to remain calm. "You expect me to believe that _I _did _this_ to _you_?"

Hijikata didn't answer, and instead, slid the silver-haired man's boxers down.

_Huh? What! Please stop. I'll give you 500 yen! 500 yen! That's more then I make in a month!_

Gintoki froze as Hijikata placed his hand on his shaft. Peering up at the other man, his started moving his hand up and down.

Gintoki jerked as the other man began to circle his head with his thumb, the two actions causing him to groan.

_What's wrong with me? I'm a guy! We're both guys! _

Suddenly, Hijikata stopped and leaned back, surveying the other man with dark blue eyes. "There," he said, nodding. "That's what you did to me. Can you please go now?"

_Hell I can! That's sexual assault! _Gintoki's angry thought's twisted, becoming something else more sinister. _Well, I guess I can do this to pay him back…_

Abruptly, Gintoki pushed Hijikata back onto the ground, a lazy grin crossing his face as the Shinshigami Vice-Captain twisted under him.

"Ha." Gintoki breathed into Hijikata's ear. "My turn."

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Please, super please don't kill me for ending it without a lot of lemon! It's just that this is at six pages already (Not kidding. Even if it doesn't seem that long. It is. Really.) D: Yes, I did include some Hiji/Gin but next chapter, I promise, PROMISE there will be lots'a Gin/Hiji, okay? . I think I'll be able to post another chapter tomorrow and maybe an Easter special if I can think of one! You have no idea how bad I feel ending it like this, without a big lemon part. T_T

**Serena-loves-Angst:** Haha, no it doesn't sound wrong at all! :P In fact, I read that just before I started this chapter after seeing your comment about it.

**DarkAndStormyNight: **I know, right? In the episode where Gin and Hijikata are handcuffed together, I was laughing the whole time! (Especially when Gin forced Hijikata to do the tango while walking into the café. :3)

**Blueskies: **I would, but I have no idea how to write it with that . Whenever I attempt to do it, it ends up looking like a rape or something T_T But I could try, maybe. (Once I get an idea) ;)

Woo~ so many nice reviews! (I feel so happy! :D) It really makes you feel good when people say that they like it :3 When I first wrote this, I was like: "Haha. Nope. No one's gonna read this." But, you guys did! :D

Thanks!


	4. It's Hard To Tell Why People Do Things

**Rating:** M for language and yaoi

**Warnings:** If you have a problem with yaoi DO NOT continue to read

**Pairings:** GinXHiji

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gintama or any of its characters.

**Note: **Meh. I don't know what it is with Easter and bunnies laying eggs, but something about it annoys me T_T Anyway, yes, this chapter will have lemons in it. (I'm scared! This is my first time actually writing one .) :P Also, this fanfic will continue to switch (I think) between Gin/Hiji and Hiji/Gin. So don't panic, Hiji/Gin fans! All will be (slightly .) well! Now, onwards!

**OoOoOoOoOoOo~ **_**Hijikata's POV**_** ~oOoOoOoOoOoO**

Hijikata glared up at the silver-haired man that now straddled his body.

_Goddamn him! He could have just left and we could all forget this ever happened, but nooooooooo! He just had to get back at me! Dammit! _

Gintoki looked down at him, a smirk appearing on his face. "Tsk, tsk, Hijikata-san. It's not nice to criticize other people, you know."

_How the fuck…? Never mind that, what the hell am I supposed to do now? I have a fucking meeting in an hour! And what if Sougo comes in right now! _Hijikata's mind reveled in horror at the thought of the brown-haired man finding him. _If I can distract him, maybe…_

"Say, Sakata?" Hijikata began nervously, glancing at the closed door to his room. "What if Sougo finds you? He'll make life hell for both of us." He attempted to heave himself up a bit at the last part.

_Jeez! Why is he so goddamn fucking heavy? All he does is eat sweets and do nothing! _

Gintoki shrugged his broad shoulders, loosing his tight grip. "I brought Kagura to keep him company. He should be busy for a while."

"Y-you brought that Yato girl?" The dark-haired man managed to get out, his eyebrow twitching despite the situation.

_Idiotic permed bastard! Those two will trash this whole place! Do you know what Sougo can do with a sword?_

Gintoki seemed to notice his anger. "Pfft." He chuckled. "Don't worry, Kagura can manage her temper." He paused as the room shook. "… I think." He added thoughtfully, glancing at the door.

As he looked away, Hijikata took the chance to wriggle his arm free. And punched Gintoki Sakata squarely in the jaw.

Gintoki fell back, cursing. "What the hell!" He exclaimed in surprise, spitting out a glob of blood onto the floor.

Hijikata tried not to flinch as it hit the ground, instead, jumped onto the silver-haired man.

_Shit on you! That floor was just cleaned! Do you know how mad they get when it gets dirty? _

Hijikata continued to pound Gintoki until he was abruptly flipped over, his breath rushing out of him.

Gintoki looked furious. "First you sexually assault me, now you attack me!" he leaned close, a leer replacing the angry expression he once had on his face. "I should have you fired for doing that to a citizen."

Hijikata swiftly kicked him in the stomach, gaining dominance of the fight once again. Cautiously, he inclined his head closer to him, looking him in the eye. "Go. Fucking. Away." He said slowly, making sure every word got through.

_Ha. Get that through your thick skull, you sugar freak! _

Gintoki snorted. "Oi. You really think you can beat me in a fight, Mayora? Good luck." And quickly raised his head, kissing the dark-haired man full on the mouth.

_Huh? Wait, I though I was winning here! _

Gintoki took advantage of Hijikata's surprise to roll back on top of him, continuing to lock lips. As the demon captain squirmed underneath him, he pinned his arms above his head, restraining him.

_D-damn it! It's all Sougo's fault! I have to –_

The Yorozuya stopped the assault on his mouth and lowered his head to Hijikata's hard nipples. The man groaned as Gintoki sucked on them, switching every few seconds.

_Not fair! Y-you don't play fair! W-what am I supposed to do like t-this?_

Gintoki slowly let go of one arm, now restraining both limbs with one hand. The silver-haired man's hand circled Hijikata's navel, slowly creeping lower with each loop it did. As it reached the waist of his pants, Hijikata suddenly bucked up, trying to throw the other man off.

_Get off! Get off! Fucking asswipe! Get. The. Fuck. OFF!_

Gintoki sat even harder on him, forcing Hijikata down once again as he slid his pants down. The silver-haired man let a chuckle escape him as he saw the noticeable bulge in Hijikata's boxers. "That's strange," he murmured, "I thought you said you didn't like this."

"B-bastard!" Hijikata spluttered, "I-I never said that!"

"Oh?" Gintoki raised an eyebrow. "So you like it, then?"

"Fuck no! I hate it!" He growled.

"Is that so." The silver-haired man stated, the bemused expression on his face betraying no sign of emotion. "I was under the impression that you did."

_Where the hell did you get that idea! Am I really that fucking aroused?_

"Well, then," Gintoki said, "Because you hate it so much, I guess I have no choice but to relive you then."

_Wait, does he mean what I think he saying? Shit. Shit. Shitshitshitshit._

Gintoki slowly slid Hijikata's boxers down with one hand, revealing his erect member.

_Goddamn it!_

The silver-haired man chuckled softly before lowering his head, placing Hijikata's throbbing member into his mouth.

Hijikata jerked in surprise and pleasure. _Dammit! Why does it-! _He let out a groan as the Yorozuya began sucking, moving his mouth up and down. Against his will, Hijikata's hips began to move with him. Hijikata felt Gintoki chuckle and began to move faster, bringing one of his hands up to massage the dark-haired man's chest.

"F-fuck!" Hijikata whimpered, feeling a tightening in his stomach.

Gintoki lifted his head. "Oh?" He said, a smirk crossing his face. "You want me to fuck you?"

_G-goddamn you! T-that wasn't what I meant, and you know it!_

Gintoki returned to sucking on his member, and placed a finger in Hijikata's mouth. Hijikata bit it, causing it to bleed. Gintoki ignored him, instead moving the finger in and out steadily.

_That's gross, bastard! Who does that! Do you know what I've had in my mouth the last five years? Nicotine, you asshole! Goddamn nicotine!_

The Yorozuya removed his finger and abruptly flipped Hijikata onto his stomach. Bringing his finger to the entrance, his slowly pushed inside its velvety walls.

Hijikata growled. _Ow, dammit! That HURTS! Things aren't supposed to go in there! _

"Stop it." He panted, twisting underneath the silver-haired man.

"It feels good, ne?" Gintoki whispered in his ear. Hijikata shivered. _I feel violated, like someone saw me naked and posted the pictures on the streets. It's-_

The dark-haired man whimpered as Gintoki entered and second, then a third finger. Gintoki's hot breath moist upon Hijikata's neck, he started to move the fingers in a steady pattern, smirking as the other man moaned.

"Hm. Looks like you like it after all, Hijikata-san." He stated, flipping him over once again and positioning himself between Hijikata's legs.

Hijikata looked at him in horror, lust and anger fighting to take command of his actions. _He can't be thinking of doing-!_

Gintoki slid into him with a quick thrust of his hips, going up to the hilt. As Hijikata whimpered at the pain of being stretched to fit his size. Gintoki waited.

_It hurts like hell! _Hijikata managed to think before the silver-haired man began to thrust steadily in and out.

Hijikata growled in pain, panting heavily. _It feels like I'm being torn apart! Son of a bitch! _

"Oh my, Hijikata-san," Gintoki's voice breathed into his ear, "how lewd of you to make those sounds."

_He isn't drugged. He isn't high. So why-? _Hijikata thought wildly as Gintoki continued thrusting in and out of him, earning cries and moans from demon Vice-Captain. _-Why is he doing this!_

Hijikata hazily looked at the silver demon that was pounding into his body. His silver hair was dripping with sweat that ran down his well-muscled body, eyes half closed.

_Why… _Hijikata groaned once again as Gintoki hit his sweet point. _…Does he look so fucking nice?_

Hijikata felt the tugging at his gut get even stronger. "S-Sakara," he groaned, twisting underneath him. "I'm g-going to…!"

Gintoki growled in response, thrusting even faster. _He's close too! Damn it! At this rate, I'll lose the bet! _The rational part of his mind told him that the other man was drugged and had no memory of the movie theater. _Well, my common sense can go-_

Suddenly, a loud gasp sounding from above. Gintoki stopped abruptly, and he and Hijikata slowly looked up. Sougo and the Yato girl gaped at them through a hidden door in the ceiling. _On second thought, _Hijikata corrected himself, _Sougo's not gaping he's just making note of every thing what I just said and did._

The realization of the situation hit him. Hijikata felt his face go red as he opened his mouth to yell, and then paused in horror. _Huh? What?_ _Wait a moment… what's that in Sougo's hand and what's up with that look? _It hit him. _IT'S A GODDAMN CAMERA! _Hijikata felt his face drain of color, his body became as cold as ice.

Gintoki let out a growl that sounded like words Hijikata didn't even knew could be strung together. Then he looked down at Hijikata, the dark-haired man saw that his face was as ashen as his.

_Haha. Even SAKATA is scared of it. Serves him right! It doesn't affect me at all… not one bit… _He thought, repressing the instinct to bolt out of the room and hide in a corner somewhere.

A nervous grin flitted across Gintoki's face. "Shit." He said shakily, sitting on the ground with a thud.

"Shit." Hijikata echoed.

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Wooooo~ Okay, some of you are probably like "WTF T_T She did four chapters and the bet still hasn't been decided! You're dragging it one waaay to long." Well, for your information, I know that :P Let be remind you though, both Gin and Hiji are really childish when it comes to competing with each other, so I didn't think one of them would give in so easily. Also, if some of you are wondering why Hijikata's acting kinda distant (or unaffected?), it's like when something really bad or embarrassing happens to you, and you kinda seem to be watching yourself experience it . Like an… a… um… out of body experience? ^_^ For those who are wondering, first Gintoki started the bet, Hijikata repaid the favor, then Gintoki got pissed at what Hijikata did and uh, re-repaid the favor a thrice-fold? .

**Serena-loves-Angst: **Here's your lemon! :3 Now go make some lemonade! Yeah about the war… I'm debating if I should end this fanfic with Hiji/Gin or Gin/Hiji (seeing as this WILL have both :D) . I'm leaning towards the first option though, seeing as I highly doubt Gin would try something like this again after *cough* they were seen .

**DarkAndStormyNight: **You're right, where DID that rose come from? :P Yay, lemons! I swear they're my guilty pleasure, even though I feel so weird when I write them xD

Sorry that this chapter wasn't as long as the last one . But that last one was really long (To me, at least!) Anyway, I'm thinking of ending it with the next chapter, so I'll work really hard on it! : D I know I said I was going to post this on Easter but then "blah" happened, and "blah" happened, and then we have freaking tests at school T_T So shoot me.


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